Amen
by Cybelluk
Summary: A conclusion ?  to 'In sure and certain hope'


_conclusion to 'In sure and certain hope" Things do not turn out well._

**AMEN**

Terri lay in the huge bed; she didn't feel well at all. She contemplated ringing down for Alfred, but just couldn't find the energy to roll over to reach for the phone. Her head ached and she felt sick.

'Maybe it will pass.' She thought hopefully to herself, trying to get comfortable.

Dick had gone into the office with Bruce that morning, leaving her asleep so she was alone in the house apart from Alfred.

Opening her eyes she noted that she must have slept for another hour. Her head was pounding and the feeling of intense pressure had built up to a point where she felt her head would burst. She realised she had to go and use the bathroom, urgently. Heaving herself up with difficulty because of the pins and needles in her arm, Terri swung her legs over the side of the bed and slowly got, tentatively to her feet. Holding onto the bed she slowly took a couple of steps, and then gathered herself for the walk across the room to the bathroom.

She had just reached about halfway, when she suddenly felt as if her left foot had hit a hole in the floor and she pitched forward, hitting the floor hard.

She lay there for a few moments, stunned by the impact, groaning, before trying to get up. The strength she needed seemed to have left her; no matter how hard she tried she could not raise herself. She tried to crawl back to the bed but again she found that she could not move at all.

Her mind raced, trying to figure out what to do.

"Help!" she cried out her voice seeming to have no substance. "Ok, so I'm stuck." She thought resignedly to herself. "Maybe if I just rest a while I will be able to get up." she decided.

Terri became vaguely aware of someone placing a pillow under her head and a voice reassuring her that everything would be alright. She realise she had lost all track of time. How long had she been there?

She shivered, she was cold, so cold, and was thankful when she felt a blanket being drawn over her. Trying to regain some focus she recognised Alfred crouching beside her, concern written over his face. She tried to thank him but the word would not come.

"It's alright; I have called the ambulance, and informed Master Dick. Try and relax. They should be here soon." Alfred reassured her gently.

Despite his reassurance she felt the panic rising in her chest, constricting it and making breathing difficult. It felt as if it was taking over every part of her body. Alfred appeared to recede into the distance, then come back into startlingly sharp focus, over and over again.

"I wish someone would shut that noise off." Terri thought to herself. To her ears it sounded deafening. As she fought to work out what was happening she felt the wave of panic begin to take over again.

Terri opened her eyes. At first everything was blurred and she blinked to try and clear the fog. As it cleared she realised she was in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar bed.

"Terri." A familiar voice said softly, as a face swam into her line of vision.

"Dick, I'm sorry." She tried to say, hearing only a mumbling.

"Sweetheart, it's ok. You're in the hospital. Shh, don't try to talk, save your strength." Dick gently brushed her hair back, and stroked her cheek.

Terri blinked her eyes open and closed rapidly, trying to bring her surroundings into focus, but the grey mist would not clear. Struggling she could discern vague shapes moving around the room.

One of the shapes bent closer to her.

"Terri? It's me Dick, can you hear me?"

"Mmm." Was all she could manage.

"Its alright darling, I'm here." Dick took her hand gently in his.

"W..w..whats happening?" Terri mumbled.

"You collapsed. Alfred found you. You're in hospital now." He reiterated. "Can you tell me if you are in pain?"

"Mmm, yes, my head."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?" Dick asked.

"Uhhh, eleven and rising."

Terri heard Dick repeat this information to someone else in the room.

"The doctor just wants to have an idea as to what level of pain relief he needs to administer." Dick told her.

"Dick, is it bad? I mean am I?" Terri managed to ask. "Please tell me the truth."

Dick hesitated, unsure of what to say.

"Dick I need to know." Terri pleaded, her voice growing stronger.

"Oh sweetheart it's not good. The tumour has grown quite rapidly all of a sudden. That's what made you collapse."

"So can they do anything?"

"Terri," Dr Thompkins came over to the side of the bed. "Look, I could sugar coat this for you or tell you straight. I think I would be right in thinking you would want me to be honest with you both, wouldn't you?"

"Leslie, just tell me." Terri told her, her voice quivering with emotion.

"Dick?" Dr Thompkins asked, looking for confirmation.

Dick nodded, unable to speak the words for fear of what he knew he was going to hear.

"Alright, I've spoken with your oncologist, and I'm afraid the prognosis is not good. He has looked at all possible treatments, but, well, the tumour is growing rapidly now and he, we feel that we have no options left open to us."

"There's nothing at all?" Dick almost choked on the words.

"I am so sorry; it's not an easy thing to have to tell you both, especially when you are rather more than just a patient Terri."

"I guess I always knew this time would come no matter how much we both tried to ignore it, it's alright Doc' honestly." Terri told her.

"Try and rest. We will try and make sure you are as comfortable as possible, so you must try and tell us how bad the pain is on a scale of one to ten."

"I need to know, Leslie, how long…?" Terri let the question go unfinished.

"We can't say, I'm not evading the issue either, it's just one of those 'how long is a piece of string?' issues. Look I know you will need time to absorb what's happening, so I will leave you in peace. The nurse will be in shortly to give you your meds."

Dick followed Dr Thompkins from the room; just outside the door she turned to face him. Dick's face betrayed the myriad of emotions and questions racing around his head. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dick, this is going to be a difficult time for everyone, but more so for you. I'm sorry I can not give you a better prognosis, but, well, despite all our efforts, what we hoped was not the inevitable is now a reality."

Dick continued to look at her, his eyes pleading with her to say anything but what he knew was going to happen.

"All we can do now is to make sure Terri comfortable. I think we should try and make sure that everyone acts as 'normal' as possible around her. Although we need to make sure she is not inundated with visitors, I understand that you and her family will want to be here as much as possible. As her next of kin you can stay here as much as you want. We can arrange for a bed to be brought in so you can stop overnight too. But you must take care of yourself, as much for her sake as your own."

Dick nodded slowly. He felt rooted to the spot, unable to function.

"Go on go back into her. I will pop back when I have finished the rest of my rounds." Leslie patted him on the shoulder.

"Dick!" a very breathless Bruce called from the end of the corridor. "Dick I got here as fast as I could."

Dick slowly turned in the direction he was coming.

"Oh, Dick, no." Bruce did not need to ask the question that had been on the tip of his tongue; he could see by the look on Dicks face what the problem was.

"It's alright Bruce; I'm just a bit numb right now. I guess I should be better prepared, but….." Dick let the sentence hang in the air.

Bruce draped his arm around Dick and hugged him.

"You know you're not alone." He reassured him.

Dick nodded.

"I need to get back to Terri. You can come in too if you want."

"I wouldn't want to intrude, but, alright, maybe for a couple of minutes."

The days blended into one, Dick was no longer sure if it was night or day. At first Terri had reasonably long periods of lucidity, but as time went on these periods became shorter. Terri's Mom and Dad, Bruce, Alfred and all their friends came in to give Dick a break, but he found himself wandering aimlessly around the hospital, unable to rest, eager to get back to Terri. Each night was interrupted by the regular rounds of the nurses coming and going with Terri's medication, and the metronomic click of the machines administering them. Although he was aware of everyone's concerns, he felt remote from them. The comfort they offered doing little to relieve his pain. The routine of hospital procedure became second nature.

He helped out where he could, helping Terri eat whenever she felt like it. He tried to ascertain her pain levels, which became increasingly difficult, as the tumour robbed her slowly of her capabilities. As Dick became more attuned to her, he was able to tell when she was in distress. Most of the time he sat holding her hand, rubbing it gently to let her know he was there.

Bruce laid a hand on Dick's shoulder.

"Come on, you need a break. Terri's Mom is going to sit with her, and I'm taking you out of here for a while. Don't worry; she will call us if there is a problem."

"I don't know, I mean…"

"Don't argue." Bruce ordered. "You need a break."

Dick stood reluctantly, then bent over Terri and kissed her head.

"I'm going with Bruce for a break. I won't be long."

"Go on you go, I'm here now." Terri's Mom said quietly as she came into the room. "I promise to call you if anything happens." She promised holding up a finger to stop Dick asking her to.

Bruce put his hand on the small of Dick's back and guided him from the room.

The waitress placed a drink on the table in front of Dick and Bruce.

"Your food shouldn't be long." she assured them.

"Thank you." Dick acknowledged, nodding. "So what's been happening out there?" Dick waved his hand expansively, looking at Bruce.

"Well fortunately not much." Bruce assured him. "I've only been doing routine patrols, it's been very quiet."

"That's good then." Dick said half-heartedly.

"I closed another deal too. We managed to buy out another failing company, which was strange as it had a very experienced workforce. Anyway we were able to divert some orders their way and it's doing very nicely now."

"That's good, what did they do?"

"It was an aerospace company; they mainly dealt with sub-contract work manufacturing parts." Bruce explained.

"At least it saved some jobs then." Dick commented, sounding a little disinterested.

"Dick, I know what you are going through, it's hurting all of us you know." Bruce placed his hand over Dicks, squeezing it slightly. "I just wish there was some way I could take the pain away, because it's hard to have to watch you hurting like this. I guess that pains me more in a way. You know I would gladly give away all my billions if I thought I could save Terri for you."

"I know Bruce." Dick said wistfully. "But there isn't anything you can do, anyone, for that matter. I do appreciate you being here for me, and everyone else, and I know how hard it is too, but I'm sorry, maybe I'm being selfish but I can't deal with all that right now. I'm trying to be strong, but it's as much as I can do to be strong for Terri."

"I understand." Bruce squeezed Dicks hand again.

"Careful, you know what the press will be saying tomorrow." Dick gave a small smile, as Bruce moved his hand quickly, and just as the waitress placed their food order in front of them.

"I guess you're right, but to be fair…."

The conversation died away as they ate, although Dick seemed to push his food around the plate more that eat.

"You need to keep your strength up you know. You have to look after yourself." Bruce chided.

Dick nodded and began to eat slowly.

"She's asleep." Terri's Mom informed him as Dick entered the room. "Everything's alright, there were no problems."

"That's good, thank you."

"Do you mind if I stay a while longer?"

"No that's fine. Bruce has just popped to the bathroom; he says he'll stay too." Dick sank into the chair next to the bed, taking up Terri's hand again in his.

Dick woke with a start, disorientated at first he struggled to realise where he was. The room was dim, the sun just beginning to rise and illuminate the sky. He became aware that Terri was moaning in an agitated fashion. He jumped up from the fold up bed and leaned over her, hitting the alarm for a nurse as he did so. This was the first time in several of days that she had made much of a sound at all.

She had suffered some fluid on her lungs making her wheeze horribly, but they had administered drugs to help relieve that. For the last forty eight hours she had lay there in a drug induced sleep.

A nurse hurried in and began to make checks, another followed, and was asked to go call the doctor.

"What's happening?" Dick asked feeling his heart start to pound in his chest as the panic welled up.

"I'm not sure, that's why I've sent for the doctor. It could just be that she has had some breakthrough pain again, so we may need to increase her medication."

Dick sat heavily on the edge of his bed, his mind reeling in turmoil. He could barely focus on what was happening when the doctor arrived and began what seemed like a barrage of tests. Another machine was wheeled in and attached to Terri, its 'pip's' joining in with the other sounds.

"Dick, can I speak with you outside please." Dr Thompkins placed a hand on his shoulder bringing him back to reality.

"Sure." Dick followed her into the corridor.

"Dick, I'm sorry, but you asked me to tell you, well, oh this is never easy." Dr Thompkins began.

"This is it, isn't it? The end." Dick said quietly.

"It looks that way, I'm afraid."

Dick nodded numbly.

"We will make sure she is in no pain. I think you should make some phone calls. Her parents? Bruce?"

"Will it be long?"

"Dick I can't say, but I won't sugar coat this, I don't think it will be."

Dick nodded again.

"Look would you like me to make the phone calls for you? It's no bother honestly. Who would you like me to tell?"

"Thank you, Just Bruce and her parents. Thank you." Dick turned and went back into the room.

Bruce sat in the uncomfortable 'easy chair' not knowing what to say to Terri's parents and brother. Her Mom sat wide eyed with terror holding onto her Dad's arm. Terri's brother idly flicked through the numerous magazines, trying to be brave.

Alfred came into the waiting room bearing a tray with cups of coffee. Everyone accepted a cup, but sat with it in their hands as it cooled.

Alfred sat beside Bruce. He was aware of how Bruce must be feeling, and was saddened that he was unable to offer some comfort in the same way that Terri's parents where doing.

"We should be in there." Terri's Mom choked. "We are her parents."

"I know dear, but Terri told us quite specifically that she wanted her last moments to be just her and Dick, and we have to respect that. After all Dick is her next of kin, we don't really have much say in things, do we Mr Wayne?" Her Father asked.

"I guess in law no you don't. I know how you feel though. I wish I could be in there if not just for Dick, and it's Bruce, please."

There was a flurry of activity in the corridor; Alfred went to the door to see what was happening.

"I hate to say but I think they are going into Miss Terri's room."

Everyone looked at each other with alarm!

Dick sat aware that the machines in the room were now silent and the nursing staff where talking in hushed tones. He still had Terri's hand in his. He gently laid it back on the bed and stood leaning over to kiss her on the forehead. Then he slowly walked out of the room.

He leaned against the wall, his hands, palms together, fingers either side of his nose and thumbs under his chin, trying to regulate his breathing. His legs betrayed him and he sank down, his back sliding against the wall, into a crouch.

"No!" Terri's Mom cried out and rushed past Dick into the room. Terri's father patted Dick on the shoulder as he passed him, and then followed his wife and son into the room.

Bruce stood in front of Dick, at first unsure of what to do. He put his hands under Dick's arms and slowly lifted him up. Dick sagged against him, His hands still at his face. Bruce folded Dick in his arms holding him tightly.

Alfred stood by the waiting room door watching silently. He turned on his heal and went back into the room and over to the window, that overlooked a small garden. As he gazed through the window the clouds parted and a shaft of sunlight poured through the window. Blinking Alfred wiped away the tears that ran down his face.

The promise of rain was not forthcoming, although dark clouds scudded across the sky. When the sun broke through it was actually quite warm.

Dick sat on the bed, watching the dust motes swirl in the sunbeams. He knew he was expected to go down and greet everyone but he couldn't seem to find the use of his legs.

"Young Man. I think everyone is here. You should come down." Alfred told him popping his head around the door.

"Coming." Dick got up, feeling unsteady, but managed to follow Alfred.

As he descended the stairs he saw that most of the mourners had assembled in the hall. There was only a small gathering of immediate family and closest friends leaving from the manor. The rest would be at the crematorium.

Terri had left meticulous instructions as to what her wishes where. At least it made it easier, Dick thought, not having to make all those decisions.

He wandered aimlessly around, automatically greeting people. He felt as if he was in a dream, as if nothing was real or had substance. Although everyone offered words of condolence, they did not help. Even the warm hugs from his closest friends did nothing to shake off his despondency.

He found a seat at the back of the hall and sat quietly wishing that it would all be over soon.

Alfred handed him a pile of envelopes. He opened them one by one. They where condolence cards, he read each one, but was unable to take in the words. He placed each card on the table beside him.

Dick looked up as Alfred announced the funeral cars had arrived and everyone began to make their way outside.

"Come on son." Bruce said as he took Dicks arm and gently led him out.

The ride to the crematorium was a blur. As the limousine drew up at the doors Dick was surprised to see the large number of people waiting.

"It's a good turn out." Bruce commented as they got out of the cart and made their way to the front of the queue.

Dick stared at the coffin as it was lifted from the hearse and onto the shoulders of the funeral directors. He could not pull his eyes away as it was born down the aisle and placed on the bier. Bruce guided him by the elbow to a seat on the front row, and then bade him sit. He was vaguely aware of the music being played. Greensleeves, it was the piece that had been played as he and Terri had signed the marriage register.

As everyone settled in their seats and the music faded the celebrant stepped forward to the lectern. Dick found it hard to focus on what he was saying; his eyes kept being drawn to the coffin. He became aware that people where crying and he wondered why, as his eyes where dry. In fact he thought to himself, 'I haven't cried yet.'

The chapel filled with more music, it was 'the face', RyanDan's voices swelling to fill the space. Dick felt a lump rise in his throat, but still the tears did not come.

As the music faded, again the celebrant stepped up to the lectern. He recounted some amusing episodes from Terri's childhood through to her time with Dick. It was strange to hear the congregation chuckle, but then again comforting. He then announced he would read a poem, called 'I've seen her'. It was one that Dick had remembered hearing.

'I've seen my love; I've seen her pass.

She walks with such a grace.

She turned and smiled across at me, The sun upon her face.

And I could swear I caught the scent, The fragrance of her hair.

Could I believe – should I believe, Her spirit blessed me there?

Her eyes so bright, they shone with love,

No pain to cloud them now,

And when she laughed, no line was seen,

Across that perfect brow.

Oh love, if you would only wait,

Beyond the tears and pain,

We'll walk together, hand in hand,

In love,

In peace,

Again.

A few moments silence followed, before music again filled the room, and the curtain around the coffin began to close. It raised a giggle from everyone, and Dick could not suppress a small smile. It was 'Spirit in the sky'. Terri had not wanted to go out on a sad note and had agonised over which amusing farewell song would work.

Everyone had congregated in the ballroom, where a large buffet spread had been laid on. Dick stood to one side, unsure as to what to do. Alfred handed him a plate laden with sandwiches.

"You need to eat." Alfred scolded gently.

"Thank you Alfred." Dick accepted the plate. He took a bite of one of the sandwiches but it tasted like sawdust to him. He took a swig of his drink to wash it down, but he found it difficult to swallow all the same.

"You Ok?" Bruce asked as he came over to him. "Well as much as you can be."

"I'm alright. I think." Dick assured him, although he could tell by the look on Bruce's face he was not convinced.

Dick placed the plate on the table beside him.

"Bruce I'm just popping upstairs for a while. I need to just get away from all this for a bit."

"Alright, I think I understand. I'll make your apologies to everyone." Bruce patted Dick on the shoulder.

"You know I would have gladly given everything up to prevent this don't you?"

"I know, and I appreciate it, you are being a rock, and I don't think I could have got this far without you. But I just need a bit of space right now."

Dick sat on the edge of the bed. The room seemed empty and too quiet. He really did not know quite what to do. How was he to go on? His thoughts whirled around in his head, and he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing at his face. He needed to cry but the tears would not come. He lay down hugging the pillow to him; it still had traces of Terri's perfume on it. He buried his face in it, inhaling the scent. It did nothing but make him feel all the more wretched and lonely.

"Sir, I can't find Master Dick." Alfred whispered into Bruce's ear.

"He went up to his room, he needed some space." Bruce told him.

"He isn't there Sir. I just came down from there, and I've looked all over."

"Odd, maybe he went into the grounds?" Bruce suggested.

"I'll check the security cameras." Alfred hurried off. Bruce decided to follow him.

Bruce stood just behind Alfred as he scrolled through the security camera footage.

"Oh no!" Alfred cried, "Look." He pointed to a screen.

Bruce peered over his shoulder to see the footage. It showed Dick astride his bike heading down the drive on through the gates.

11


End file.
